Saying “I Hate Being a Mom” Doesn’t Make You a Bad Mom

Have you ever thought, “I hate being a mom?” You’re alone with your thoughts, and it’s okay to admit it here. Your feelings are valid. No mom is perfect. You’re a human and have flaws. You don’t actually hate your children. You genuinely love your kids. Sometimes, you get incredibly overwhelmed and despise being a mom.  This is a natural reaction. You have recognized there is some part of your life you wish was different. Now you can address and change it. You won’t have this feeling forever. You shouldn’t feel shame for your feelings. There are plenty of ways you can change your mindset. Then, you can go back to fully embracing being a mom and loving the hardest job you’ll ever have. 

You’re not a bad mom, you’re a person with emotions and reactions

Emotions are reactions to how you view the world around you. All emotions, good and uncomfortable, are integral parts of mental health. Emotions can help you grow and help protect you.  People are adaptive. We may struggle, but we persevere through tough times. You will get through this difficult season of motherhood. Life is unpredictable and doesn’t always go in your favor. Suddenly you feel like you’re drowning and aren’t certain how to swim back to the surface to catch your breath. 

How do I cope with the feelings and thoughts of “I hate being a mom?”

You don’t have to battle this struggle alone. A therapist can help you sort through your emotions. They can help you identify sources of struggle in your life and together, you can make plans and begin the steps towards your best self.  They can help you reflect on why you feel the way you do. It may be as obvious as having an unsupportive family, lacking time to do things for you, or finances. It may be something a little deeper.  You only get one life and your children are only little once. This is a time you will never get to experience again. With the help of your therapist, you can push yourself back up from “I hate being a mom” and return to enjoying motherhood.  Change won’t always have immediate results, but taking steps can help. 
  • Practice mindfulness — Let go of thoughts that are destructive and acknowledge your thoughts as momentary.
  • Address your critical inner voice — Sometimes we’re our own worst enemy. Identify your inner voice and how to respond.
  • Realize your personal power — A victim mentality makes suffering worse. Own the power you have over your life. 

Why do I hate being a mom?

Motherhood is complicated. You’re likely a good mom who just happens to be in the midst of struggling. Let the mom guilt go. Society and social media can give us unrealistic expectations of motherhood. 
  • “Good” Moms — Good moms are expected to sacrifice their time, energy, money, health, and sanity for their children. It’s perfectly “normal” for a mom to always be exhausted, over-scheduled, and stressed out.
  • “Bad” Moms — Bad moms get angry and might even yell at their kids. They have messy houses, complain to others about their problems, and take time for themselves. 
Why you actually hate being a mom may stem from your perceived notions of failing to live up to society's expectations. It could also stem from something completely different. 
  • Feeling overwhelmed — You’re always needed: noses must to be wiped, homework needs to be checked, kids need transportation to school or sporting events.
  • Feeling alone — Despite always having your kids around you, especially if you’re a stay-at-home mom, you may feel so alone. 
  • Feeling guilty — You aren’t fitting into society and social media’s expectations of motherhood. You’re not a Pinterest-perfect mom and feel guilty over hating being a mom. 
  • Dealing with a certain developmental stage — Raising kids, potty training, sleep regression and teething are all hard. Sometimes a difficult developmental stage is just too much for you to handle, and that’s okay. 

Redefine motherhood to you, not social media’s and society’s expectations

With society’s and social media’s expectations weighing on you, is it any wonder you hate being a mom? Becoming a mom doesn’t change your whole identity, it adds to it. You are still a partner, a sister, a friend, and an employee.  In this season of life, remember you are fully in touch with just how hard it is to be a mom. Your feelings aren’t hurting anyone. You’re not a bad mom. You are a woman learning to embrace her emotions — good and bad. 
  • Avoid the social media trap of comparisons — Social media only shows others what we want them to see. Be genuine. Embrace the mess if your life is messy. Be unapologetically you.
  • Grab your support system — Make your family support. It may be blood relatives only or it may be a mix of blood and chosen family. Find your village. Find a good therapist. Good support is everything.
  • Take care of yourself — Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Get out in the fresh air. Do some exercise. Indulge in your favorite meal.
  • Forgive yourself — Let’s say it again: Let go of the mom guilt. Forgive yourself for thinking “I hate being a mom” and give yourself grace. 
A therapist can help you shift from the mindset of “I hate being a mom” to “I can create the life I want with my children.” You’re not alone. Having thoughts of hating being a mom is understandable —especially in times of high stress (which is all the time in momland).“Mom guilt” is real. Your feelings are valid and you deserve to give yourself love and grace. 

Mama, you don’t have to feel this way

Life is complicated and messy. When it comes to mental health, we believe there’s no one-size-fits-all. At Halcyon Therapy Group, we understand just how important you and your unique situation and perspectives are. That’s why we offer a suite of services tailored specifically to you and your needs. You deserve better, and we are here to help. Book your complimentary consultation today and start living the life you always dreamed of. 

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